I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize