Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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