I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
