I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
