i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
