hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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