No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
