Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
