Don't make out with my wife yet
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
