my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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