About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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