I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm just crazy horny about you
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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