Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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