When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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