Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
