my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize