I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
