Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
