Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
