Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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