If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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