he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
