I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
