Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
