remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
