How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm passing your future prison.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
