at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
