I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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