You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
