Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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