His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
