Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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