I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The power of my boobs compel you
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
