HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
