before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
PANTIES FOUND
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