Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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