I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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