i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
