I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
