Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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