...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
