; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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