whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
