Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
