i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
