you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
