And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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