There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
