I need to stop coming to work sober
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
