I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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