So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
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When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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