It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
cat food counts as protein by the way
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
