the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
