Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
