I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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