I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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