Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
