Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
