It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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