Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i've created a new STD.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize