I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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