You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
