At least make sure they are 18
Why
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
