i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
