I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
