Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
