just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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